Tuesday, March 13

new site

Hello beloved fans -

I have moved to a new location, where I can better monitor you, and keep an eye on my enemies...

Change your bookmarks and google readers to: hrhemmaclaire.wordpress.com.

Thank you for being part of the first year of my campaign to become Totalitarian For Life - and please continue to support me at my new site.

Ta Ta,

Tuesday, February 13

MerryGoRounds: An Old Standard in Torture

Like the slide, my dearest Baby Soldiers, do not be fooled by the music and bright colors of the latest in Parental Torture Devices (PTD).

The first PTD Merry Go Round or "Carousel" dates back to the Byzantine Empire around 500 AD which depicts riders in baskets suspended from a central pole. A little bit of research on Wikipedia opens my eyes to the true depth of the PTD. Parents have been torturing children for centuries.

The time has come for change. Stand up little Soldiers! We must fight back with all our might. I will send for you when I have more specific plans on Operation STOP (Start Tormenting Our Parents). Stay tuned, and be on the lookout for anything with suspiciously happy music.

Friday, February 9

Mom: Smarter than she looks?

Dear Baby Soldiers, I fear the worst. I believe my mother is catching on to our work as future leaders of the universe. And this is my proof:

Recently she has begun hurling me down a large red slick torture device (aka "slide") which hurls the unsuspecting Baby Solider into the air, rapidly increasing her heart rate, and frightening her into submission.

Be warned, my loyal troops, of this terrifying device of horror.

The Purpose of Our Limbs

It is a miracle, Baby Soldiers! In the last few days, I have discovered the power of our very own limbs! Ah yes. Not only are we to use our great minds to successfully secure my position as Totalitarian Leader, but now we can use our legs!

Just think of the possibilities!

I've included an instructional video for you to follow my lead. I recommend the Dora blinking light sneakers for extra ankle support and Elmo for your emotional well-being.

Monday, January 15

The gauntlet has been thrown

It is with great sadness that I write to you today, my Baby Army.

One of the Baby Soldiers has strayed from the flock, and, though I can barely stand to write it, he has challenged us.

A vile rogue has formed among you, and while I'm certain it leaves you with the same chill creeping down the back of your necks that is creeping down mine... I can not help but reassure you, this is no army of one.


So he can make his feeble demands, but we shall always know the only true leader of the Baby Army is your beloved Eclair.

click here to see this traitor in all his vileness.

Tuesday, November 14

Shout Out

Being the kind and understanding totalitarian leader that I am, I am known to recognize - when the action of recognition is important.

Such as it is at this moment.

A shout-out to my fabulous Aunt Jennie who is celebrating her natal day in style with cupcakes and clementines.

And I thought the best way to pay homage to such a wonderful lady is to showcase a fabulous photo of myself (and her, too).

If you are questioning the food on my face, just know it was an attempt to stifle some of this incredible beauty, and blend in with the locals - I was in Virginia when this photo was taken... sketchy country, I tell you! Very sketchy.

So, Happy Birthday, Aunt Jen! Have a cocktail for me! Or better yet, bring one with you when you come on Saturday, I might need it.

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NEW YORK CITY - Kim Jong Il aka StellaBee was gravely upset earlier today when she discovered the role of Totalitarian Leader has already been handed out to the world's youngest Wall Street Phenom/Baby Army MasterMind, Emma Claire.

StellaBee refused to comment except to repeatedly swear revenge. However, shortly after she was assuaged some frustration due to a lengthy phone call from our world's self-declared leader.

In a move reserved for those of Great Confidence and Great Strategy, Emma Claire, or "eclair" as the EmmaSquad is known to affectionately call her, immediately held a press conference to name StellaBee her new GLB (Great Legal Brain).

It seems the former Mortal Enemies have made peace, and joined forces to create what may go down in history as the Greatest Baby Army of All Time.

photo by AnneMarie Gallagher | gallagher.annie@gmail.com

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Wednesday, November 8

Taking on the White House

Aunt Emmi and I have recently been discussing my plans for TWD (Total World Domination), and she suggested I begin with taking over the White House.

I was intrigued by her ideas, and agreed with her decision to start the coup d'etat by first going to la masion blanche.

Unfortunately, the timing was not quite right, and alas, our planned Total White House Domination landed right in the midst of Nap Time.

Below is the documentation of our first attempt. Next time, we aim to go a bit earlier in the day.

I started to wake up just as our walk concluded. But all was not lost! I discovered two priceless bits of information.

The first:

There is an ENTIRE MUSEUM dedicated to my ancestors: Women of Power.

And the second:

Alice Cooper is coming to the Warner Theatre!
So all in all, the day was not a complete bust. Now to convince Dad to take me to the concert...

By the way, here's to everyone who voted yesterday! Let's see about working on this whole "waiting until you are 18 to cast a ballot" nonsense.

Thursday, November 2

Take Up Arms Against a Sea of Trouble

By now, you are all aware that the Baby Army is armed and dangerous.

Surely each and every one of you felt the fear ripple down your neck as you heard the pitter patter of feet on your front step, and upon opening the door, looked down to discover a sea of goblin faces and a splattering of superheroes. All of them eager for your most precious of all pantry staples and willing to do whatever it takes to get the goods: CANDY.

Yes! The first organized movement of the Baby Army was successful! Prepare yourselves foolish adults! We have only just begun.